Time:12.32AM. Location:Terengganu. Weather:Overcast. Humidity:94%
it's almost two months i've been here. Still in one piece, still me, still perfect.
how are you guys? i miss everyone terribly.
Reminiscing the days when i got informed to study at this place, i was overwhelmed and struggling so hard. i was sad, to be honest. The unspeakable pain is still there, pounding occasionally, though i don't say it anymore. I'm so scared! So insecure about everything. i mean, what the hell have i done to be here? Did i just screw everything up? Barricade myself to soothe mummy i'm fine over the phones while holding back my tears. Options were given to me, but i chose here regardless. Till now, i still doubt my decision. Even the little pep talks i give to friends all this while barely make sense to me. I waver inside. My whole world shakes. Spell vulnerable.
This is just where i started and i want to remember it. Can't wait to see four years later, from the uncertain pace i stepped out that will lead to the infinite unknowns.
To my surprise, there are many chinese in my university. The adequate number of us has intensely calmed me a lot. Well there aren't hundreds of them but it is already beyond my expectation! C'mon you don't think you will find chinese so easily like meh, in this state which filled with mosques in every few kilometer? i thought i would be greeted by sea of floating tudungs (which is true at some points) and ended up with autism wtf. But we're so lucky coz we have the most chinese students in this batch since years. New friends are nice. Many mother Teresa alike lol. Instead i feel like a Hitler being surrounded with them hahah! Zun, i miss your meanness.
I miss a lot of things. I miss everything that i've used to miss and neglect. I miss old friends. I miss my home. I miss the good ol' days. I miss the comfort zone where i have been living and growing up. I miss the soup my mum cooks. I miss speeding my car. I miss singing loudly in bathroom. I miss farting in the house like nobody cares about it. I miss walking with dodo. I miss holding daddy's hands. I miss my hula hoop. I miss the roads i familiar with. I miss the hanging out places with my babes. I miss people who know me so well i don't have to worry whether they would get hurt by my words. I miss my lovely sister who likes to nag me. I miss swimming in the pool. I miss being extravagant. I miss myself who was brave enough to have many dreams to dream. But now i hesitate a lot.
Studying law is tough. Memorizing is never my advantage. Reading the tedious cases can be boring as hell, let alone the history of islamic and m'sia legal system. After the nine-month slack, it's hard to stay focus in the lectures again. I still get distracted easily. Minds wandering into somewhere else, or simply going blank. Somehow i think there is nothing unusual about this, coz i've been always learning like this. Hahahah! But we're trying our best to make the best out of it. Oh look! i've developed a new
Anyway, bear with me coz I might be complaining shits all the time from now on.
Now that i need to bid farewell to my wardrobe for the next few years. Bye my pretty clothes, high waisted shorts and 4-inch heels. Hello my long sleeves ugly shirts, ankle length pants and colorful baju kurung wtf.
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